Won't Disappoint Birthday Cupcakes

I have a thing about birthdays. I have never been a fan of my own and it has nothing to do with aging. To me, birthdays are like New Year’s Eve—there is the sense that something big, exciting and life changing is supposed to magically happen and then it winds up being just like any other day, except, if you’re lucky, you get some new stuff and a cake.
As a kid the two P’s are what cause the most potential stress: Presents and Party. You get a lame present (like an album for the stamp collection you have no intention of starting) from the weird daughter of your mother’s college friend with whom she only recently resumed contact. Or your grandmother forgets that purple is your sister’s favorite color while yours is pink and now you’re stuck with a monogrammed sweater that makes you look like an eggplant. Or the mean girl you invited to see “Tommy” (I know, totally inappropriate) for your 10th birthday movie-party (because you have yet to identify her as mean) whispers audibly to another girl that your mother is cheap because she brought homemade popcorn to the theater instead of forking over $50 at the concession stand for eight entitled tweens. All told, it’s a day in which Disappointment is as likely to RSVP as Delight.
The unfortunate thing about my birthday issues is that I don’t keep them to myself. I project them onto everyone else. I assume my friends and family are as concerned as I am about being bummed out on their special day so I overcompensate the only way I know how—I bake them their ‘favorite’ cake. The means by which I determine that their favorite is indeed their favorite varies. Some people make their requests known. Like my father, “coconut layer cake with lemon curd please.” Or I might interpret their favorite candy; my sister’s love of Reese’s peanut butter cups=chocolate peanut butter cupcakes.

Sometimes my celebratory efforts are greeted with lip smacking appreciation and sometimes, really, not. Like the time when I noticed that a guy I thought I was dating ordered a nouvelle cuisine carrot cake-ish deconstructed dessert at his favorite fine dining restaurant. A few weeks later I cleverly made him carrot cake birthday cupcakes only to be met with, “Oh, thanks,” a blank stare and a subsequent Houdini-esque disappearing act. Or last weekend. The occasion: my niece’s birthday. The assignment: enough cupcakes for the family lunch and the day care party. She was turning two and can down a pint of strawberries in the blink of an eye. So naturally I made vanilla cupcakes with strawberry buttercream! Her older sister laid waste to hers, as did her parents, grandparents and aunt. But the poor little birthday girl took one bite of her be-candled pink baby cake, screwed up her face and announced, “I don’t yike my cupcake Mom.”
Oh well. Clearly, I need to stop burdening others with the job of healing my wounds by shoving a cake frosted with expectation at them. They may very well be blissfully birthday issue free. However, I will not accept that my strawberry buttercreamed yellow cakes were 'unyikeable.' We’ll chalk up my niece’s disgust to her chronological naivete. Or, as my late grandmother used to say, she “doesn’t know what’s good.”

Some Notes: You may be more familiar with the lazy, I mean easy, buttercream technique of mixing a pound of powdered sugar with a pound of butter and calling it frosting. I call it a tooth-rotting insulin blast off. This Swiss meringue buttercream is luxuriously silky, sweet enough for the kids (but not cavity inducing) and subtle enough for the grown-ups. I’ve made up for the extra effort it requires by pairing it with a super easy, no-fuss no-muss cupcake recipe. Also, if strawberry isn't the fave flavor of your birthday boy or girl, you can use the same amount of any flavor jam, OR leave well enough alone, add nothing and keep it in its pure vanilla state. Now go make someone’s (but not my niece’s) birthday happy.

Won't Disappoint Birthday Cupcakes

Strawberry Meringue Buttercream
Martha Stewart's Baking Handbook

Ingredients
4 large egg white (or 1/2 cup if, like me, your freezer is full of egg whites from when recipes call for just yolks)
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 sticks unsalted room temp butter, cut into Tablespoons
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
12 oz jar of strawberry jam

Directions
Empty jar of strawberry jam into food processor and pulse till smooth, set aside.
Combine sugar and egg white in heatproof bowl from your electric mixer and place on top of a pan of simmering water (you are creating a double boiler).
Whisk sugar and egg white constantly until sugar is completely dissolved and mixture is warm to touch, @ 160 degrees on candy thermometer.

Remove bowl from pan, place in mixer and using whisk attachment beat on high speed until whites hold still peaks.
Continue beating until mixture is fluffy and cooled, @ 6 minutes.

Stop mixer, remove whisk attachment and change to paddle attachment.

With mixer on medium-low speed add softened butter a Tablespoon at a time, beating well after each addition. (If after you've added all the butter the buttercream looks curdled or separated do not worry. Beat on high and it will come together.)
When mixture looks fluffy and makes a thwacking sound (I know, that's weird but it works!) as it is being beaten you can stop.
Add the vanilla and beat just to incorporate.

Remove bowl from mixer and with a rubber spatula stir in strawberry jam until fully incorporated.
Yield: 5 cups frosting, enough to frost 24 cupcakes or 8"-9" two layer cake.

Yellow Cupcakes
Everyday Food, September 2006

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour, spooned and leveled
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
2 large eggs

Directions
Preheat oven to 350

Line 12 cup muffin tin with paper liners. (You can easily double this recipe)

In small bowl whisk together flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.

In liquid measuring cup mix milk and vanilla. Set aside.

Place sugar and butter in bowl of electric mixer and beat until light & fluffy, @ 3-4 minutes.

Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
With mixer on low gradually add half of the dry ingredients, then pour in the milk/vanilla and then add the other half of the dry ingredients.
Mix until fully combined but do not over-mix.

Using 1/4 cup (normal size) ice cream scoop portion out cupcakes into muffin cups.
Bake for 20-25 minutes until toothpick inserted into center of cupcakes comes out clean and tops spring back when gently pushed.

Cool cupcakes in tin for 5 minutes then remove from pan and cool on rack completely.

Using a pastry bag or spatula, frost, blow out the candles and eat!

Yield: 12 cupcakes but feel free to double and use up all the frosting.

Easy to Keep Resolution Granola

So, here we are again. Starting a New Year full of hope and life changing resolutions—filling our minds with platitudes (New Year, New You! Your best in 2010!) and putting our faith in the power of positive thinking. We look to gurus for answers: Dr. Oz? Joel Osteen? Jillian and Bob? Oprah? The Secret? All with fingers crossed that this will THE YEAR. The Year of: eating right, exercising more, spending less, reading Anna Karenina, learning how to drive (ok, that one is very specific to me), being generous to our family and friends, becoming more patient and less judgmental, letting go of toxic relationships and giving healthy ones room to grow. Tall order? Um, yes.
I’ve never really understood why it takes the flip of the calendar to commit oneself to being a better person and living a fuller life. I suppose it’s better than not committing at all, but really shouldn’t we be striving for this every day of the year? Not that I am able to live that way but I’m just saying. And when your list of resolutions is longer than your grocery shopping list, you’re in trouble. I believe in biting off little pieces I can actually chew and digest (forgive me) and not setting myself up for the kind of failure that will make me feel worse than I felt before I made the resolutions in the first place.

Take Anna Karenina; maybe she is still sitting on my bedside table because I am 'just not that into' her. Plus I’m really enjoying Frank Bruni’s Born Round right now and I’m too cold to read about Russia. What about driving? If I thought I could get behind the wheel and not kill anyone wouldn’t I have done it already? And I live in New York City so my day-to-day life is not affected by this specific skill deficiency. The most I will commit to is thinking about it in the spring (when getting out of town becomes more of a reality). I can certainly work on my patience, since I have none. Being judgmental? I thought these were resolutions and not a personality transplant. Exercising more? Sure, I suppose it’s time I find my nonexistent core. Relationships? Ugh, it’s exhausting just thinking about them, but if I have some down time I promise to sort things out. Eating right? Okay, now we’re talking.
Although I have something sweet before, during and after every meal I do manage to be somewhat mindful of those meals. But there is absolutely room for improvement and I am resolving right now to cook more and order in less. Which is a two-for-one resolution since it also hits on reining in the spending! So what if my apartment smells like fish for a week or my hands get red and chapped from washing kale—I’ll be healthy and vibrant!
Before I deal with my supper let’s start at the very beginning. With breakfast! We’ve already established my rigid morning meal but what I haven’t shared is my recipe for the granola component of my cereal medley. One thing to keep in mind is that despite the absence of added oil, the nuts, seeds, and dried fruit add up calorie-wise (I think of a portion being ¼ cup). But you are consuming ‘good’ calories—healthy Omega 3 fatty acids, antioxidants, lots of fiber, cholesterol lowering phytosterols and tons of vitamins and minerals. Most importantly, it tastes great. The key to bringing out the nutty, toasty flavor is to really let this bake until it is deep, golden brown. No pale flakes of oats please. You might as well eat muesli. (Below=too pale)
WARNING: After making this you (and your kitchen and my hair) will smell like baked apples and maple syrup which may cause people standing behind you in yoga to whisper “Do you smell pancakes?” Hey lady, just be happy I wasn't grilling salmon.

Enjoy your first resolution.

Easy to Keep Resolution Granola
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Ingredients
3 cups rolled oats (not quick cook)
1 cup sliced almonds
1 cup hulled pumpkin seeds
1/4 cup flaxseeds, ground (I buy mine whole and grind them in a coffee bean grinder. If you don't feel like it buy them pre-ground.
1/4 cup wheat germ
1/3 cup thawed apple juice concentrate
1/3 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup dried turkish apricots, diced into small 1/2" pieces (I am too cheap to buy pre-cut dried fruit. Up to you.)

Directions
Preheat oven to 350.

Spray 9x13" pan with cooking spray.

In a large bowl mix oats, almonds, pumpkin seeds, ground flaxseeds and wheat germ.
Pour apple juice and maple syrup over oat mixture and stir to coat evenly.
Spoon mixture into pan, spreading evenly.
Bake for @ 30-35 minutes giving mixture a stir every 10 minutes or so until granola is a dark golden and smells nutty and maple-y.
Let granola cool completely.

Toss with dried fruit and store in airtight container or Ziploc bag in cool, dry place.
If you do not plan on eating regularly, store in refrigerator. Yield 6 cups granola.

No Reason I Can't Have a Lumberjill Breakfast

I have the same thing for breakfast every day. A mixture of 1/3 cup Kashi Go Lean, 1/3 cup Flax Plus and 1/4 cup granola (yes, I use measuring cups) topped with sliced strawberries and a handful of blueberries all floating together in Silk Light Vanilla Soy Milk. Every. Single. Day. I eat this everyday because it's delicious and healthy and because it eliminates having to make one of the many choices we all have to make each day. Like brushing my teeth and making my bed, my breakfast is automatic.
To some, I may sound boring, rigid and unimaginative. I disagree. I am being efficient and usually when the feeling that I am boring, rigid and unimaginative gets to me and I decide to make, say, scrambled eggs, I regret my decision, miss my cereal and wind up eating two breakfasts. But, here it is New Year's Day and I feel like I should make something a little more festive. But first I need to take myself off the conscientious eating and exercise hook.

Before I started caring about what I ate I didn't care at all. Or think about it at all. In college I used to scan the week's dinner menu for 'Beef au Jus' knowing that was the night I'd (ok, we, since I don't drive) hightail it to McDonald's for a McDLT (remember those?), then run across the street for dessert--a vanilla frosted Dunkin' Donut.
Seriously. Can you imagine? I feel like I'm describing a different person. Except now I'm craving a vanilla frosted Dunkin' Donut.
I no longer think of McDonald's when I want a 'break today' but I sometimes yearn for the Lumberjill (it's a Lumberjack--2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon, 2 pancakes--with fruited pancakes) breakfast I used to get when going out for brunch meant not eating your first meal till 2pm. Since a hangover was usually involved this sweet, salty, grease-fest did the trick. (You may require exactly the same thing if your eve was a little excessive.)
These days I need to feel I deserve an indulgent start to my day and I need to make sure I will not fill the rest of it with self flagellation. Unfortunately, when my breakfast does not start with making a smart choice, I don't compensate by making one for lunch or for dinner. Rather, I succumb and eat irresponsibly for the next 16 hours. But, Monday is the real start of the New Year. I mean it's already Friday, and then there's the weekend (which is never a good time to start to behave), so rather than thinking today is 'New Year, New You', I will put off today what I can do next week. And if I keep saying that over and over again, maybe I'll start to believe it. I'm going to let the devil win this battle, shut up, and make my breakfast already.
I am so grateful to my friend Suzanne Pirret for doing the math and creating a delicious pancake recipe for one-ish since most recipes produce enough for a crowd. This recipe could serve two people if that's how many you are and you are planning on eating every component of this breakfast. If that is the case then make four eggs and four slices of bacon. If not, you may have some batter left over. Or maybe you'll eat four pancakes yourself. Which is okay. For today. This meal must be enjoyed in relative peace and quiet. Do not answer the phone, sit by the computer or watch TV. Newspaper reading is allowed. And no, you don't even have to go to the gym today. Did you hear me?! (Did I hear me?)

No Reason I Can't Have A Lumberjill Breakfast-Blueberry Pancakes, Eggs & Bacon
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Ingredients
2 eggs
2 slices of bacon
2-4 pancakes, see recipe below

Breakfast Prep

Pour some maple syrup into microwave safe pitcher and set aside.
Place oven proof plate in regular oven and heat to 250.
Crack two eggs into small bowl, do not beat.
Place 2 slices bacon between 2 paper towels, place on microwave safe plate, place in microwave. Do not cook yet.

Start Pancakes

Blueberry Pancakes
adapted from "The Pleasure is All Mine: Selfish Food for Modern Life" by Suzanne Pirret

Ingredients
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
pinch salt
1 Tablespoon sugar
1/2 cup milk
squeeze of small lemon wedge
1 egg separated
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup blueberries
1 Tablespoon butter

Pancakes-Directions
In medium bowl whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and sugar.
Pour milk into glass one cup measuring cup, squeeze lemon wedge and stir.
Briskly stir in vanilla and egg yolk.
In small bowl whisk egg white until it retains a soft peak.
Gently stir milk mixture into flour mixture, do not overmix.
Gently fold whipped egg white into flour/milk mixture, do not overmix.

In medium frying pan melt butter over medium-high heat until sizzling.

Drop spoonfuls or ladlefuls of batter into pan, making two pancakes at a time.

Gently scatter blueberries on top of pancakes.
When pancakes are bubbling, flip and cook through.
Carefully place pancakes on warmed plate in oven.

Eggs & Bacon
Using the pancake frying pan, heat another tablespoon of butter until sizzling.
Pour eggs into pan and cook.
While eggs are frying, nuke bacon for 2-3 minutes until they reach desired crispiness.

Take bacon out of microwave, slip in pitcher of maple syrup and nuke 40 seconds.

Cook eggs until they reach desired set (I like mine medium with only a little shake, others like them firmer)

Using a potholder, remove pancake plate from oven, slide eggs onto plate, add bacon, drown in maple syrup.